menopausal madness

So sorry for the slackness in my postings. I believe I have a reasonable excuse.

You see - I have been busy - in fact I have been busy, busy busy

with menopause.

Although it has not been confirmed with a blood test - I am fairly confident that I have IT.

If it turns out that I am mistaken - then I am in BIG BIG trouble.

I have checked the list of common symptoms and out of 33 I am confidently and outrageously experiencing 28 of them (possibly a few more but some things need to remain private ;))

1. Hot flushes - occasionally
   
2. Night Sweats - that's a negative
   
3. Irregular periods - I am sure that if I still had my uterus my periods would be irregular ?
4. Loss of Libido - ?
5. Vaginal Dryness - private (surely)
6. Mood swings - Now we are talking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
   
7. Fatigue - yawn
8. Hair Loss - by the handful (gone from greasy to DRY as) and it wont hold a colour - sigh
9. Sleep disorder - goes without saying
10. difficulty concentrating - what was that?
11. Memory lapses - where was I?
12. Dizziness - bolting up fast is a no no (apart from the knee forbidding such a crazy notion anyhow)
    
13. Weight gain - why not? It can't all be about my undisciplined eating habits
    
14. Incontinence - Please - me and my bladder are in need of counseling
    
15. bloating - ankle bloating - does that count?
16. Allergies - no more than usual (although the cat has really gotten under my nose lately)
17. Brittle nails - yep
18. change in odour - well people are keeping their distance - (I wonder if paranoia is on the list?)
19. Irregular heartbeat - thump, thump thump
20. Depression - thank God I am not going mad!
21. Anxiety - a big YES
22. Irritability - I said YES
23. Panic disorder - help, yes
24. Breast pain - rip them bras off in the evening
25. Headaches - part shares in pharmaceutical company
26. Joint pain - some days every single joint has a moan or two
27. Burning tongue - other than burning my tongue on that scalding coffee - no
28. Electric shocks - now you come to think of it - I believe so
29. Digestive problems - heart burn counts - yes?
30. Gum problems - no more than usual
31. Muscle tension - as tempted as I am to blame meno - lack of exercise is the issue with this one
32. Itchy skin - I look like a scaly snake
    
33. Tingling extremities - thankfully no

The Sooky La La symptom is the one that is getting to me the most. Man, I am so hyper sensitive at the moment that even commercials are causing me to sob.

I have put my coffee in the fridge and carried th milk carton around with me.

The other day some students were playing a familiar tune on the piano - I recognised the tune and bragged that I could also play it - although my version was slightly different. Although I can not play the piano I agreed to give a performance cause I knew (in the recesses of my muffled brain) that I was (hold that thought) pretty impressive with this particular party pleaser. I went to the piano and, horror of all horrors, nothing. It was like I had never seen a piano before in my entire life. I got the first two notes out and then - blank! Of course I laughed it off and made a quick exit to the nearest toilet where I had a Sooky La La moment.

Anyhow, you know what they say - 'A problem shared is a problem....' Oh my goodness- what is the saying?

quotes

As long as we have memories,
yesterday remains.

As long as we have hope,
tomorrow awaits.

As long as we have friendship,
each day is never a waste.

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Have you had a kindness shown? Pass it on; ‘Twas not given for thee alone, Pass it on; Let it travel down the years, Let it wipe another’s tears, Till in Heaven the deed appears, Pass it on.
Henry Burton

You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

and to conclude for now...

The most important trip you may take in life is meeting people half way.

Scaredy cat...

That's me.

I am so embarrassed! Actually, I am mortified! Well actually I am incredibly ... scared!

I am pacing. Literally, right now, as I type, I am pacing the room. I am pacing up and down the hallway. I am pacing and sweating. My heart is racing. Have I mentioned I am pacing? Scared? Embarrassed? Mortified?

Why?

How embarrassing..

Well, you see, I went into my bedroom to get into my pj's.

Hoping to save on a little power I groped around in the dark to find the bedside lamp. I felt something creep over my hand.

Somehow holding onto my last moment of sanity I found the switch and brought forward some light.

Scurrying away was this great big, ugly, hairy, black, plump, eight legged monster.

I am not exaggerating - it was definitely... Hold on, I have no idea why I am using past tense? It is still big, plump, hairy..

It is still in my bedroom.

I am freaking out here!

There is no way I am going to bed tonight - NO WAY!

I am almost crying here!

There is an eight legged monster in my bedroom - somewhere.

I do not care that it is quite likely it has been there for awhile.

My scalp is now itchy.

Add that to sweaty palms, racing heart and pacing.

I can't take much more!

Ok, I'm going in...

I have gathered many, many different kinds of ugly, hairy, plump, eight-legged monster- killing
thingamabobs.

Weapon of choice - vacuum cleaner.

I may or may not be back..


Wish me well........

A Soldier .......

That was me in 1983. I was about to be commissioned as an Officer (Lieutenant) of The Salvation Army (I know, it is a bit hard to believe...)

Seems like a life time ago! A lot of water etc......

Tomorrow I am standing before the Officers and soldiers at Ingle Farm Corp (Adelaide) and becoming a salvo (again).

I first became a soldier in Kalgoorlie in 1980. I was a brand new Christian. Within a year I was off to College where I trained to be an Officer (two years). I was ordained, commissioned, given an appointment and was off and running.

Things don't always turn out the way you think they will.

In 1987 I resigned from Officership and attempted to continue to worship with the Army.

But, by 1991 I had left the army feeling betrayed, angry and hurt.

For many years I solely blamed the Army for 'letting me down'.

Boy was I bitter!!!!!

It has been a long journey back.

Different churches.

Different experiences.

Different highs and lows.

Last year I walked back into a corp.

I wanted to be invisible.

I was invisible for some time.

Lots of things had changed.

Thankfully the hat had gone ;)

Slowly, the healing began.

Slowly, I started to recognise the importance of belonging to a spiritual family.

The importance of committing.

The importance of having a place which will help you be accountable in your walk.

The Army, in principle, holds you to a high standard. And so it should.

After all, it is not asking of me anything that God has not already asked and in fact empowered me to be.

So, tomorrow I will sign the articles of war and I will be a soldier of The Salvation Army.

Hallelujah!


P.S. I will not be wearing uniform for the time being - so there will be no update photo ;)

Oh my golly gosh.....cry me a river.

I went to the hairdressers knowing full well they had their work cut out for them. The lovely little girl asked me what colour I wanted. I informed her with a bit of a cheeky grin that I would rather like to have the colour she was crowning.

Off to work she went. Two bleach baths later...(I heard her say initially that the bleach would stay on for 5 min - huh! 40 min later she was saying things like, 'ooh, that is coming down nicely; just another 5 min or so!". I heard her say that many, many times and I could see the look of concern on that sweet little face of hers).

To her credit she did work on my hair for four hours - yep you heard right!

She even blow dried it for me. I had a little bounce and style for just a little while.

I lied when she asked me if I liked the colour. I tend to lie to hairdressers - go figure!!!!

She recommended that I come back in three weeks (I need that long for my hair to recover from all the stripping)so she could put some light brown highlights in. You know, to tone it down a little.

I can't wait 3 weeks.

No way Hosea!!!!!!

I kept going to the bathroom and taking a quick look in the mirror. Each time I went for the review I thought it was kinda growing on me. I even managed to convince myself that it wasn't too bad. After all if Deborah Harris can pull it off... well?

It really didn't help that I woke up this morning feeling like pooh. There are things going down in my little part of the kingdom which I feel powerless to control. Depressing the life out of me.I am becoming very cranky at the moment.

When I looked in the mirror this morning (hoping against all hope that it was a little less coppery blonde - miracles do still happen) the bejeebies were scared right out of me.

There will be no pictures. I wouldn't put you through it!

On another topic, there are not many photos of Queensland to show. I took the camera without the battery charger.

How quiet is it in bloggy land at the moment?

Where are all my friends. And why are some of you ignoring me?

See, I told you I was becoming cranky ( although some of you may think that 'becoming' is under playing it - clearly I have arrived... )

Still, you know what would cheer me up? A visit from my friends.

Come on over,,, Blondie will put the kettle on.

The Simple Woman's Daybook #5

For Today.... 21st April, 2009

Outside My Window

Blue, blue skies, puffy white (dive into) clouds, lush rain forest, white sand, impressive surf, hunky surfers (perv alert!!!), boardwalks, outside showers, kids licking ice cream, tanned bikini-clad bodies (slightly depressing), soft air and ... paradise (literally).

I am thinking

How do you bottle this?

I am thankful that

I can function (reasonably well) on just a teeny weeny bit of sleep. I am thankful that I can love and feel and embrace beauty.

From the kitchen

Have you ever stayed in a backpacker’s hostel? Need I say more?

I am wearing

a very cute yellow polka dot bikini - what’s wrong with that?

Ok, I lied!!!!!

I am actually wearing neck to knees - I look stunning... really!

I am creating

Memories - lots and lots of them.

I am going

To weave in and out of all these simply fabulous art boutiques which are nestled in the quaint little townships surrounding Glass House Mountain (hold onto your wallet....)

I am reading

road maps, travel brochures, tour guides ...... price tags - how much?

I am hoping

that everyone is looking for a special moment and embracing it.

I am hearing

God’s whisper....... and it was good!

Around the house

Who knows?

I am sure there are dishes to be washed and floors to be swept, shelves to be dusted and ...

You know what?

Tomorrow will come quick enough.

One of my favourite things

Adventures with my skinny dipping friend.

A few plans for the rest of the week.

It will require a reality check but I guess I will need to mark and grade some projects, plan next terms program (outcomes), pay an enormous amount of money to a hairdresser so she can fix my attempt at permanent hair colouring and maybe, just maybe, I can squeeze in some coffee dates, a movie, a meal out and you never know, I might just do some exercise?

Here is a picture thought I am sharing with you -

For more fantastic entries go to The Simple Woman's Daybook

I remember..........

All I can say to those who came around to my place after the Sunday service is -

'Sorry, sorry, sorry x 100'

and

'Thanks for letting yourselves out so quietly!'

I remember the service (very nicely put together).
I remember singing - I would just like to thank my family and my friends and I would like to thank all the pharmaceutical companies that helped make this possible ;)

Back to my memories...

I remember having a quick coffee with a friend who had driven down for the service.
I remember walking through my front door.
I vaguely remember the Ex arriving and the son (who had told me he was working) arriving.

I think we gave out chocolate eggs ??????????????

I remember sitting on the couch.....................................

Then I woke up

and

the Ex had left

the son was about to be gone (I think I heard him chant, "thanks for lunch, mum!")

Not sure on that one!!!!!!!!!

Ellisha was on the laptop (chatting).

Jenna was packing.

I did what any fine host would do...

I zombie crawled my way into bed and tossed and turned for approx seven and a half hours.

Fell asleep just long enough to stumble/stagger/sleep walk out of bed at 4 am to drive Jenna to the airport (she's off to Melbourne for a week).

Ellisha arrived back from an all night movie marathon at 6am and immediately put this on her door.....


Cheeky blighter!!!!!

What the heck - I might just do the same........

Szzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Just a little cough and splutter in between notes

I woke up this morning feeling much, much better than I thought I would. I'll be honest and admit I did require a few pharmaceutical bits and pieces to camouflage some of the symptoms that were still present.

It was a beautiful service. The Officers (Salvo's) did a great job of creating a reflective and reverent place of worship.

My hands were a little shaky as I held on tight to the choral music. Part way through the service I could feel a cough coming on and was just about to clear the old passages when the choir stood up to sing. Ellisha misinterpreted my slight hesitation as a sign that I was going to pike out and literally pushed me forward (no time for that cough).

The song started. I sang. All was going well. Then that cough that had been ignored demanded a bit of attention.

Have you ever tried to release a subtle cough in between singing notes?

I thought I had an opportunity as the band swelled and so I took my eyes off the sheet music for just a sec. When I looked up it became rather clear to me that the rest of the choir had turned the page. I could not see the words I thought I was meant to be singing. Oh boy! Start lip synching ;)

I eventually caught up without causing a scene (I hope! ).

The end note was looming. I just knew I was not going to be able to give it all it deserved.

Hallelujah and thank You God for small mercies. I can say that I actually hit the right note and held it for about 6 counts - as for the last 12 counts - well - I held that look on my face as if sound was still coming out and snapped it shut when the conductor indicated. You should try it? It is quite a skill looking like you are pushing out a demanding top something or other when you are actually silent. The neck has to bulge and you have to have that agonized look on your face.

Well, according to my girls I definitely got the agonized look down pat.

Way too much fun.... and to think I get to sing two songs on Sunday (with the choir, of course!!!!!)

Many blessings to all.

What am I?

I have
tingling sinuses
rubber band grip on temples
sniff, snort and snotty sneezes
raised temperature
gulp, gulp (ouch) sore throat
and
am short tempered!

What am I?

Poor me........

I have found myself a cold.


Still, the show must go on....

I have purchased the black pants and black shoes (appropriate attire for the choir) and by Jingo even if I have to lip sync I will stand up tomorrow and be counted.

A little bit more of this, that and the other!

Thought I might just get myself a little cleaning partner...........

This little beauty is an impressive (and powerful) steam cleaner. The instructions (yes I have read them) do make some pretty wild claims. Apparently, IT cleans floor surfaces with the greatest of ease.

So, here's the problem - I have had it for a week now and it has pretty much stayed in the same position as seen in the photo.

It would appear that I have to actually direct it.

Damn and double damn!!!

I was so hoping IT would do all the cleaning.

I guess that aint gonna happen - sigh!

Two more days and I am on a two week break. I am off to Brisbane with my skinny dippin partner in crime. I am also hoping to hit the open road and take a drive up to Port Augusta to meet and have coffee with a fellow blogger (that's you Theressa) - me other good friend 'la homeschooler' is coming with me - watch out Portagutter - we party hard ;)

Oh yes, if you are wondering what to do on Good Friday and Easter Sunday why not pop in to my Church. Ladies and gentleman - I am gonna sing. Yep, you heard right ladies. I have temporarily joined the Salvo songters and I am giving the old vocal chords a work out.

Excited did you ask?

Excited?

Hardly! I am certifiably terrified!!!!!!! You see, there's this really, really, REALLY high note. The thing is I used to love, I mean LOVE, hitting those top notes. However, (and here is the crux of my fear) them where the days my friends. I am not (I repeat) I am NOT super confident with this particular song. At this stage I kinda know when I am "supposed" to go for gold - but (and this is a big BUT); What if I soar to the heavenly rafters and it ends up as a terribly embarrassing solo? Watch the conductor, did I hear you advise? Well of course that would be just perfect if - I could actually see her. The stage lights - boy - them lights on stage are pretty darn bright! So, I am looking for the key of confidence! Oh yeah, perhaps a little dose of perspective wouldn't go astray. After all, it's not just about me, is it? (Please, no lectures in humility- just encouragement - Ta).

You all come back now.....

The promised ramble.

How impressive where you guys with your swift and encouraging comments? I am suitably impressed. I am super, super, super duper impressed with those who left multiples - why thank you, thank you very much!!!!! And the winner goes to Crystal - last one in but, by far, pretty darn impressive.

And as promised - let the random ramblings begin.

Now, just before Christmas 2008 I started a weight reduction diet. Lord only knows I needed to shift a fair few Kilo's.

Do you remember how I put up that 'way too embarrassing' photo of me - the one of me in that revolting red top? Well it sure was a motivator.

I lost 16 kilo's.

Thank you, thank you very much.

So, the update you ask?

Here is an ionsightful picture that might just give you a little hint...


Moderation - that's the key to success. Ladies and gentleman. Let me re-phrase that - Ladies and ladies I give you - THE healthy way to consume chocolate?

Alright, so I have been a bit naughty lately.

16 - 3 = 13.

That's still good, right?

Let's stay positive shall we?

Fruit anybody?

This was no help at all -

It took me close on 5 days to recover from pumping the thing up! You reward yourself for those sorts of challenges. Am I right or am I right?

Monday! I'm starting again on Monday.

C'mon, does it really matter which Monday?

Please, give me a break!


I have more ramblings. But it is late and I want to go to bed.

I'll post this and then come back tomorrow to ramble a little more.

See ya then.

howdydoodarday

Interviews are all but over. I think I still fall under the.....................................
'relatively sound mind' status......hmmmm!

Now, I know I have been a very boring blogger lately, but ...(here is where I am tempted to offer the rather lame excuses). No I am not going to..... I wont (even though I have been juggling MANY balls....) Exactly how disciplined am I being? I tell you what? Pretty darn disciplined - I think.

Still....... maybe a bit of encouragement/attention/adulation/pity/greeting/howdydoodarday shout outs.... (say 8 comments) would inspire me to randomly ramble on a bit.

A bit cheeky?
You betcha!

---------------------------

Thank you Therese (comments 1 - 3) for your prompt responses.
May I apologize for the terrible font and the odd grammatical blunder. I was trying to fix it up but the computer was giving me endless trouble... it looks great from my screen (in edit) but rather shabby on publish.. any ideas what I am doing wrong?

pick a ball.... any ball

Parent/Teacher/Student Interviews ( I mean conferences) are on...


Need I say more?



These are not the dropped balls - oh no! These are balls patiently waiting to get into the juggling act.

The juggler

I used to be a great juggler.

I prided myself on being able to keep lots and lots of tasks in motion at the same time. I rather considered myself a 'Super Proficient Multitasking Juggler'.

It's true!

But those were the days my friend.

Memories
may be beautiful and yet
What's too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget
and now
there's a shadow hanging over me
Oh, I believe in yesterday ....
Suddenly.... I'm not half the juggler I used to be
etc etc etc.

Shock, horror, sorrow and shame - I no longer have that Juggling extraordinariness.

Bugger!!!!!!

Like a fool, however, I grab the tasks - throw them in the air (completely ignoring my loss of juggling powers) and simply wait for the juggle to come crashing down all around me.

I guess what I am trying to say is - I need to get used to the idea of prioritizing (big time). Struggling with juggling the competing tasks (that demand completion at the same time) is wiping me out.

Are you picturing my dilemma?

There you are with all these demanding tasks whizzing past your eyes. Suddenly you get the sense that you have thrown one too many items into the juggle and you are about to drop the lot. So, in a complete paralyzed state you have no choice but to watch them all come tumbling down.

I used to be a great juggler - those were the days my friend!

Please don't cry for me Argentina!

Remember, I said I used to be extraordinary.

Still,
pretty darn good is more than acceptable -

right?

Brought to you by the letter R

Here we go.......

It's time for a little of my famous Random Ramblings..... I am possibly the only person who truly appreciates the workings of my mind - still - read on if you feel so inclined.

Right - ee - o, let's begin shall we?

On Sunday the girls and I went to Glenelg (a seaside-ee, tourist-ee, shopaholic-ee place) for a much needed, 'let's all try to get along for a couple of hours', kind of an outing. Before you say anything I already know I am a woman with high expectations.

The outing was filled to the brim with the letter 'R' .

R for rebellion. R for Rage. R for restoration. R for Retail riots. R for 'right out there'. R for Rain. R for revelation and R for self- righteousness.

What an interesting few hours it was. You need to know that I consider myself to be truly blessed - at times - hmmmm...

First off - Daughter is going through a rather rebellious phase at the moment. 'I'm telling you - I am SO over it'. Bless her heart - she feels a need to back chat, argue, ignore me, give me the 'evil' eye, share snippy sarcastic verbal bulletins and, on the whole, is showing about as much flair in her rebellion outbursts to put me into Rehab. The girl is being a right royal pain in the rump. There, I said it - and - what's more -mean it.

Unfortunately I let her 'moods' get to me. I raised my voice to her. I really raised my voice. I was so frustrated that I opened my mouth and let rip. I courted a rage. I am not proud.

We needed a day at Glenelg. We needed a little restoration/rehabilitation.

It was at this lovely little hip hop and happening place that another R came rushing in to bowl me over.

Please welcome - Retail rioting.

I am walking down the street. I am minding my own business. It's true, thank you very much.

I enter a bookstore and I find this really good maths book. The price is very good. A real bargain. I decide I can well afford this great resource and so take myself off to the counter to pay. Welcome to retail rioting at its best.

The young 'barely out of nappies' sales assistant scans the book and after looking at the computer declares that the book is $9.90. I give her my card and she commences the transaction. Then the little upstart notices the sticker on the back of the book shows a price of $11.40. Little miss 'I don't know if I am Martha or Arthur' says, ' oh no, I mean its actually $11.40'(what do I do?). I suggest to her, ever so nicely - honest - that surely if the computer says it is a certain price then that is the price you sell it for. Baby face looks confused and so decides she had better ask the other, slightly, but not much, older sales girl for advice. The other girl also looks confused and eventually declares (with a wobbly voice of conviction) that they'll go with the $11.40 price. I think not!

After a little bit of back and forth (healthy) discussion about consumer law and practices the older girl suggests a little phone call to the boss may help resolve the issue. 'Go ahead,' I say, 'Phone him!'

Poor little mite - the look on her face was priceless.

She rings and (in front of me) proceeds to wave a flag in front of me by using words like ' she reckons' and 'SHE says it's consumer law, ha!'. The girl clearly has a death wish. That, or she hasn't picked up the clues that I am in no mood to go to battle with a young upstart without the intent of winning.

The girl's apparent confidence is growing by the mili-second. Fool.

I no longer cared about anything other than walking out of that store with the book for $9.90

I mean to say, please.

I told the girl that initially I was prepared to pay $11.40 - in fact I even told her I thought it was a very good price. The computer says $9.90. You initially asked for $9.90. I am wanting this book for $9.90. Not $11.40.

The girls argument was that the barcode on the book matched the barcode on the computer so therefore the book must be the price on the book. fantastic logic!

I argued that the barcode on the book also matched the barcode on the computer - so far we agree - right? Right! However, the matched barcode also says (on the computer) that the price of the book is $9.90.

The girl hangs up the phone and says I can have the book for $9.90 - this time - 'but'............... No buts about it........... Retail rioting - bring it on!!!!!

By now I desperately needed a coffee so off we went in search for a restaurant/ cafe. It was during this recovery time that the next R came a visiting.

But.... It is late and I have some school stuff to deal with. I will post tomorrow.

I can't promise it will get any better. My own behaviour probably continues to go on a bit of a downward spiral...

one year bloggaversary

Thank you all for dropping into my one year bloggaversary.

And what a year it has been.

Many changes.

For example - I know most of you are privy to the fact that I needed to lose a few kilo's.

Well here is an update.

From this....
to this....


How much younger do I look?

Confession number 1 - I do tend to exaggerate a little. The truth is I have dyed my hair a little (just to cover the odd white stray you understand!)

So, I was flicking through my past posts - as you do when you are having an anniversary. Anyhow, I was having a little scroll down memory lane and something jumped out at me.

I had to laugh.

You see as it turns out I did some of my best posts when not one single person came to visit (or if they did they tiptoed out without leaving a comment) can you believe that? What a waste! I mean to say - and I do not intend to blow my horn too excessively - but - sometimes I am right on the money with my wit and ramblings. Sadly though at other times I rather regret posting at all - hmmm!

These were the times when the visitors arrived (of course).

You know how it goes .......... right?

Usually your house is in a 'reasonable' state - things are more often than not ready to receive guests.

Post after post you sit in your spic and span home with only the air freshener appreciating your cleanliness

and then

quite predictably

the day you don't make your bed, or you leave some dishes on the sink, or

heaven forbid you leave the cat litter in the laundry and it's smelling the place out

you get visitors!

So, there you are having a 'slump' when some intelligent or classy or well groomed or articulate or interesting or witty or spiritual or grammatically correct (you can tell why that would freak me out a little) or worse still, someone with several of these attributes comes a visiting and .....

What can you do?

You can only apologise or you can try making some lame excuse about being tired, or unwell, or momentarily mad or (if you are quick enough) suggest you are part of an experiment on the effects 'slumming it' has on the usually witty, articulate and profound self.

I guess what I am trying to say here is that I was ready to have a great big celebration today and then

the day took a turn towards the cat litter.

I really don't think it is appropriate to celebrate one whole year of blogging with a cat litter moment - do you?

I was tempted to try for another rain check.

Clean up the house a little ..........

SIGH!!!!!!

Oh what the heck.

Confession number 2 - I tend to ramble and rave about random stuff (often).

Come on - let's dance....

No excuses..... none!

Grab the meds if needed -

dance sitting down if you have to

but

please excuse the mess and

let's dance ladies - (Linds, that's you wearing the green hat - futuristic!!!!)


Confession number 3 - that was not really me in the photo earlier (the one on the beach that is).

Phew! I'm all done - completely and utterly spent. Let's put the kettle on have a coffee and perhaps a bit of chocolate cake that Crystal so kindly offered to bring.

One year blogging!!!

What a year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love ya ladies - you are my saving grace.

What a slacker.....

Please excuse my boringness. What a slacker I turned out to be (go easy now). I have no excuses. Ok, there are a few but I am fairly confident that they will not hold up to any form of scrutiny. I am desperately holding onto jet lag. That's my pathetic excuse for not blogging for awhile (ages actually). I am suffering from jet lag. How pathetic is that? A four hour flight with only a 1 and a half hour time shift and I am out for the count for the rest of the week.

Mum is - well - mum is - hmmm! Start again. Mum is not well. Mum is not doing well emotionally or mentally or physically (in that order). Thank you for those who prayed for her. The story is long and difficult and rather painful - so I will not reveal anything on this blog. Please (on my behalf) just pray for my mum and my sister who desperately needs a break.

On a brighter note.

Guess what?

My One year blogging anniversary is coming up.

It's going to be huge! Massive!! Extraordinary!!!!!

I plan to randomly ramble on for..... well put it this way - you may need to get the coffee urn filled, grab a sleeping bag and bunker on down.

And as a warm up ... let's do a jig shall we?

raincheck!!!!!!

I will have to do that big catch up post tomorrow. I have a LOT of books to mark tonight.

My brother rang tonight. We had a great talk.

I immediately got on the internet and booked 3 flights to Perth this weekend.

This is insane but I got the three of us to Perth and back for $151. INSANE. Normal fare for one person is $800.

The deal was you only pay the taxes - the seats are free - honest!!!!!!!

So, we leave at some ungodly hour on Friday night and arrive in Perth at 6am. We leave Perth at 01.45 on Tuesday morning and get into Adelaide at 6am - then its run like the dickens to work. It is a 4 hour flight with a 1 and half hour time difference. The family then live 200kms from airport.

Don't get me wrong - me not complaining. I feel young . I'm going to grab a red eye and have some fun.

I'll catch you up on other things a little later.

Take care my lovelies.

A quick (embarrassingly so) note

Hi guys.

A very quick note to let you know that I am fine - ish. Mum is out of hospital. My brother never rang. I am working like a Trojan.

I will be sitting down and writing a good old post after work tonight.

You come back now!

facebook - very informative!

Warning: Read on with extreme caution - This is one disappointed blogger!!!!!!

Facebook. Such a useful page. Great way to catch up on the incidental, insignificant stuff happening in people's lives. I love Facebook - not!

So, I opened my page and noticed my niece had written a comment. It went something like this, "....... is hoping everything is alright with my granny."

What?

Hold on a minute! (as the penny dropped). YOUR granny would be MY Mum. What is going on with my mum?

So, I get on the phone trying to reach anyone.

Eventually my sister calls me back (ever so casually) to let me know that our mum was in hospital. Has been for 3 days now. She fell and split her head and was then admitted to the cardiac ward because her heart was apparently going wild. Apparently she will be there for a few more days yet.

Well, 'apparently' my sister felt it appropriate to ring my brother and tell him who 'apparently' informed my youngest brother who, 'apparently' is over at the moment for a holiday from Sweden - that's right - Sweden.

But 'apparently' mum is okay - if it was anything to be really worried about she would have told me - 'apparently!' And 'apparently' it is no biggy that my brother who I have not seen in over 10 years (because the last time he was over I didn't find out until he had gone back) is back over.

That's good, I replied. I am glad that mum is okay up there in the cardiac ward.

"Oohhh... Said with a bit of resentment', was my sister's response.

"Oh, just a tad", - said I (although I really think she completely missed the hurt sarcasm).

What is wrong with my family?

My mum is in hospital. My brother who lives in Sweden is over in Australia and I don't get any news of these events.

I am so over them all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They treat me like ----- well they treat me like I am invisible, unimportant.....whatever!

My sister goes on to tell me that mum has been asking for me but my sister thought it was reasonable to let mum know that she hadn't spoken to me since October.

Why October? Well, sis and I had a long talk in October and I thought we had come to a new understanding of the concept 'family'. She promised that she would make a big effort to keep in touch - you know how important family is? It was her promise so I have been patiently waiting for that 'new' relationship. I have spent my whole life trying to please this lot. I have bent over backwards trying to 'belong'. I have been hurt and abused and let down - big time - but I kept on going back for more.

I thought I had come to the stage of accepting my family for what it was - dysfunctional supreme.

But honestly! How can they give lip service all the time that we are 'family' and then not let me know mum is in hospital and my brother is over from Sweden? Am I dead?

It's just a bloody plane trip for me to go over there! I would move mountains to get there! But.... 'apparently' there's no need for me to know.

Grrrr!

And I so wanted to share a good news story.

Not tonight.

Tonight I am sucking up my misery and rehearsing the line ....'Frankly my dear.... I don't give a damn!"

Why don't they just cut my heart out while they are at it?

You know what? I am not going to edit this. I am not going to spell check it or worry about how anyone feels about it.

I am peeved to the max. I am disappointed. I am so disappointed in myself. I thought I had moved past caring that much about stuff I had no hope of changing.

I read about it on Facebook for goodness sake.

Clearly I still give a damn...... sigh!

Tomorrow I will suck up this disappointment and show a little more grace - promise.

P.S - had a great sleep last night. Far out - what a difference a sleep makes. I just made myself laugh - wild, but true (yesterday a snort, today a laugh). Can you imagine the tone of this post if I was sleep deprived? - Scary............

Honest to God - if you guys manage to ride with me through this current part of my journey then I promise you that the coffee crawl will happen and it will be my shout (may even include lunch).

cheers for now .

night night

and so the pendulum swings.

Last week I had 3 nights straight of little to no sleep. Tonight it is 9.20pm and I have exactly 10 minutes to make this post, turn off the computer, do my bathroom stop - over, jump into bed and shut my eyes before the coma arrives. Man I am so asleep on my feet.

I have such a beautiful story of success to share with you concerning one of my students - I'm so proud of her. But - the eyelids are drooping and the eyes are doing that glarey stare thing. Catch you tomorrow.

Night night - sleep tight - I have a feeling I will (just enough energy left to smile).

And that now leaves me with 5 min.

Night.

The simple woman's daybook #6

For Today.... 23rd February, 2009

Outside My Window

I can see a brand new (well actually - second hand - but as cute as can be) little apple green Daewoo (Matiz) car that has my daughters name on the registration papers and my signature on the bank cheque. Don’t you find it incredible that the minute you have a little money saved someone needs a loan?

I am thinking

I am so glad that I am coming out of the moody blues.

I am thankful that

Some brilliant, constructive, creative, inspiring and collaborative teachers are willing to share their knowledge and creativity through web quests (why invent the wheel - right?)

From the kitchen

I may well have to change careers after this meal. Diced chicken breast sautéed in garlic butter (that’s all I had) with a dash of Smokey BBQ sauce, Dijon mayonnaise (you read right), lemon juice, onion flakes, and sweet chili sauce. Throw in some cherry tomatoes and sweet garden peas - Simmer in pan. Steam up some brown rice - and what do you get? Heaven, that’s what! - Absolutely zing, ping and serve me some more deliciousyumiscious (new word - lock it in).

I am wearing

It’s past tea time so that means PJ time in this house - well for me anyway.

I am creating

I feel so guilty - really, really guilty. Any day now I am going to start the hand stitching on that truly amazing quilt I am putting together (I’m such a slacker).

I am going

I am so excited. Skinny dipping friend and I are planning our next trip. We are going to the Kimberley’s - Glorious!!!!!

I am reading

The T.V guide - sad, but true!

I am hoping

To one day save enough money to start one big coffee crawl and visit all my blogging friends around the world.

I am hearing

I actually just snorted - honest! That’s the sound I just heard. I mean - nothing funny happened - I just spontaneously snorted - just then - I know - too weird!

Around the house

My daughter (youngest) is hiding - possibly hoping I won’t realise she is home and therefore available to wash the tea dishes. Well. I’ve got news for her!

One of my favourite things

Taking that first deep breathe when you step outside in the morning (rain, hail or shine).

A few plans for the rest of the week.

Work, rest and play

Here is a picture thought I am sharing with you

Here she is - my new car. I mean Ellisha's new car!!!!

Why not pop over to A Simple Woman's Daybook to read more posts.

I talked and talked and talked some more.

Today was exactly the kind of day I needed.

I drove up the hills to spend some time with my skinny dipping / bike riding/adventure seeking friend.

We talked.

And talked.

Well actually, she let me talk and talk..... and then some.

I got a lot off my chest. I got a lot off my mind.

I was pretty wound up.

I think I may have used a swear word or two (I know - disappointing really. Please don't judge me too harshly).

We sat and talked and drank coffee and reminisced and then bravely duck dived right into the obstacle course of my minds thinking. In brief - we sorted out some of the problems of my world - for now at least!

My friend -

She can drive me absolutely stark raving mad at times.

We are a complicated pair.

But I love her to bits.

Today we sat and talked and talked and talked.

And we sorted out a lot of stuff - my stuff really.

You see -

I was going to close off my blog (many reasons - blah, blah, blah).

She advised against it.

She is a smart person who is probably closer to knowing me than anyone else I know.

I haven't been able to post freely these last few weeks. I have been stuck. I have been consumed with a restlessness, a sense of inadequacy. Two words ( fraud and pretense) have been whirling around my crammed head.

Today was just the kind of day I needed.

Thank God I had coffee with my friend who let me talk and talk and talk....

I talked myself out of my near miss - pity party.

It was a good day!

A few questions from Linds

Linds from Rocking Chair Reflections (hi Linds!) participated in a questionnaire and invited anyone who wanted to be interviewed by herself to simply ask. I asked and here is the interview. I must say that I had to really do some intense pondering - they were tough questions and I am not sure if I have done them justice - but here goes!

1. Who, outside your immediate family, has been the greatest influence in your life?

Fourteen people come to mind. That's right 14! My Granny; First Aid Cadet leader and Twelve goody-too- shoe Christian nurses. First my granny - You see my mother came from a middle class family. Her childhood was a somewhat privileged one. Mum was raised in a strict Irish-Catholic family - her dad was a doctor and her mother was a pillar to the community. Mum (bless her heart) married beneath her station. She married a protestant (and managed to get ex - communicated for her troubles). Granny was not too impressed with her choice of life partner and so suggested that if she went ahead and made her bed she had better be prepared to lie in it. Mum didn't do the whole poverty thing very well and life became very hard. So, I was born into a troubled marriage with an internal religious war imminent and extreme poverty. Dad was well on his way to becoming an alcoholic and mum had developed some mental health issues. Get the picture? My telling you this is not to draw sympathy or anything like that (nor do I want it to excuse or account for my own mixed up self) but to highlight the importance of my relationship with granny. So, Granny and Grandad would travel down by train from Birkenhead to Hoylake once a year and collect the grandchildren to go back to her place for a week's holiday. My brothers and sister usually cried until they were picked up early and I was left in heaven for the rest of the time. How can I describe the joy of fresh sheets on the bed, vegetables on the plate (eaten at a table at the same time every day), picnics with egg sandwiches and orange cordial, trips to the zoo, library, ferries, church, parks, Ice-cream, fizzy drink (a very special treat), a bed to myself, hankies to wipe your nose on (instead of screwed up newspaper) ...... so many more insanely beautiful memories. I loved my Granny and Granddad. I loved going to their place. I learnt a lot. My childhood was tough - and that's an understatement - but my granny and granddad were my saviours. They were my balance. They created memories that have gotten me through many a painful day. My Granny always saw beyond my rough, tough exterior and encouraged me to dream. My Grandad understood my inquisitive / creative mind and advised me to believe in myself - no matter who said differently. I could write a book on my memories of Granny and Grandad. I loved them.

Next was my leader in St John's ambulance. A kind, sensitive and insightful woman who understood and recognized that my parents had possibly neglected to educate me in some areas. I remember one day I went to visit her in hospital. She told me a story about a young lady she once knew who was a little shy in her general hygiene upkeep. This young girl did not know how to manage her menstruation cycles and was often teased by her friends for being a bit smelly. I listened intently and recognized straight away that I was in fact that young lady she was talking about. We said nothing more. But I learnt from her a little more about how to care for myself. I was not embarrassed then and am not embarrassed now to share the story. That kind woman saved me a whole lot of pain.

And then there were the twelve Christian girls. I was nursing at the time. I was 21 and out of control. I was drinking heavy, smoking heavy, playing around with drugs and - well - I think you get the picture? I was working in a country town where prostitution was openly paraded and there were 24 pubs on the 1 mile main road. The Church was organising a revival. The Pastor had challenged everyone to ask God to place on their heart a person who really, really, really needed Jesus. They were then to go and invite that person to the revival. So, I was in the wash room ironing my uniforms when a procession of goody- too -shoe Christian nurses came and invited me to some revival they were having. They came one by one and (as I learnt later) had no idea that they were all inviting me. I thought (at the time) that it was a pathetic attempt at bombarding me (a pay back for my bible bashing remarks I used to hurl at them) and was quite colourful in my rejections (especially after nurse number 7). By the time Coralie (nurse 12) came along I was fed up and over it all! I told her (in a rather condescending way) that I'de come. Of course I had no intentions of going (after all it was Wednesday and Wednesday in Kalgoorlie was pub night). It should not surprise you that God knew better. In what can only be described as a series of rather miraculous events I found myself sitting in church listening to the message, that I now realize, I was hungry to hear. For four consecutive evenings I rocked up and listened ( you should have see me - I was overweight with orange hair - David Bowie style - had on a mens lumber shirt with a packet of cigarettes proudly sticking out of the chest pocket - sad!). On the fourth night I went forward and gave my heart to Jesus - Hallelujah! I guess those twelve obedient nurses were pretty influential in saving my life.

2.What are the three most important things about raising a family that you would list?

How on earth do you narrow it down to three? I consider parenting to be a kaleidoscopic experience and therefore the important things you have to address change depending on the needs of the time. If I have to choose three - hmmm - let's see? - I will go for 1. The right to life. 2. The right to be loved and 3. The right to learn. Oh, and I am a firm believer in discipline and firm boundaries. I'll leave it at that or I will be writing a thesis.

3. What is your favourite song and why?

Almost impossible to answer. I burst into song at least every hour. A little line of a song here and then a little line of a song there. I have a line of a song for just about every occasion. And yet - I don't think I know one song from beginning to end. I love to sing and actually have (more past tense these days) a good voice (or so it has been said). I have sung at the Festival Theatre in front of thousands (ok, it was in a choir - still? - pretty impressive - I thought!) and on T.V (many moons ago). But favourites? I just can't remember - honest! Sometimes when I hear a song I'll go' Oh, I love that song!" or, "Oh, how could I have forgotten that song?" The other day I was singing William Booth's (Salvation Army founder), 'O' Boundless Salvation', for the first time in a life time - now that was incredible and I nearly sobbed my way through the last verse. I rather like belting it out with Barbara Streisand (if you personally know her - could you let her know I would so love to do a bit of a duet with her-ta!). I just love singing.

4. If you could be anything in the world, what would you choose to be?

This may sound a little mental - but - I want to be someones bestest, bestest, dearest soulmate friend. Full stop! (I've just rung my therapist for the next available session - ;)).

5. How do you see yourself - as a flower, a car or a food?

I am not sure whether I see myself as any of these. Sometimes I have enough trouble seeing myself as me. (I did say at the beginning I was struggling with these questions). How about a Zephyr (car) because although not necessarily the most attractive model they are strong and sturdy. They are roomy enough to take a lot of people along on a journey. They are reliable and when you see one passing you by they are hard to ignore. Then again -perhaps a sunflower? Bright, open, attention seeker - again - a bit hard to ignore a sunflower amongst the other little flowers (big head? -Moi?). No, wait - I think I'll go for a casserole - a bit of this, a bit of that (experiences) put them all together and what do you get? A wholesome, delicious, interesting, flavorsome, nutritious surprise flavour. Yep, lock in casserole thanks Linds. You never really know what you're getting until you arrive with your bowl.


Thanks for the questions Linds. Phew!

the promise

Just a quick note to share the brilliant news. THE COOL CHANGE ARRIVED. I am half besides myself with pure joy. And - it is raining (tiny little drops) .

Come on ladies - join me in a ' Yahoo'

YIPPEE -YAHOO!

have you heard/seen this one?

Have you come across these clever anagrams before?

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM


PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER


ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

SNOOZE ALARMS!:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

Have you come across this?

John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, 'If I were any better, I would be twins!'

He was a natural motivator.

If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and said, 'I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time How do you do it?'

He replied, 'Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today.. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can choose to be in a bad mood

I choose to be in a good mood.'

Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.

Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life."

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes, it is,' he said. 'Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood.

You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life."

I reflected on what he said.

Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.

I saw him about six months after the accident.

When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins.. Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.

"The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter,' he replied. 'Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked

He continued, "...the paramedics were great.

They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'. I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,' said John. 'She asked if I was allergic to anything 'Yes, I replied.' The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity''

Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude.... I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything .

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.' Matthew 6:34.

After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

And then there's this one........

A farewell cake…. from Woolworths.

Make sure you read the story under the picture.

This really did happen.

This cake was for someone who was moving from an Insurance Claims office

Okay ... so this is how I imagine this conversation went:

Woolworths Employee: 'Hello 'dis be Woolworths, how can I help you?'

Customer: 'I would like to order a cake for a going away party this week.'

Woolworths Employee: 'What you want on the cake?'

Customer: 'Best Wishes Suzanne' and underneath that, 'We will miss you'.


Have a good weekend.