Saturday, June 6, 2009

menopausal madness

So sorry for the slackness in my postings. I believe I have a reasonable excuse.

You see - I have been busy - in fact I have been busy, busy busy

with menopause.

Although it has not been confirmed with a blood test - I am fairly confident that I have IT.

If it turns out that I am mistaken - then I am in BIG BIG trouble.

I have checked the list of common symptoms and out of 33 I am confidently and outrageously experiencing 28 of them (possibly a few more but some things need to remain private ;))

  1. Hot flushes - occasionally
  2. Night Sweats - that's a negative
  3. Irregular periods - I am sure that if I still had my uterus my periods would be irregular ?
  4. Loss of Libido - ?
  5. Vaginal Dryness - private (surely)
  6. Mood swings - Now we are talking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
  7. Fatigue - yawn
  8. Hair Loss - by the handful (gone from greasy to DRY as) and it wont hold a colour - sigh
  9. Sleep disorder - goes without saying
  10. difficulty concentrating - what was that?
  11. Memory lapses - where was I?
  12. Dizziness - bolting up fast is a no no (apart from the knee forbidding such a crazy notion anyhow)
  13. Weight gain - why not? It can't all be about my undisciplined eating habits
  14. Incontinence - Please - me and my bladder are in need of counseling
  15. bloating - ankle bloating - does that count?
  16. Allergies - no more than usual (although the cat has really gotten under my nose lately)
  17. Brittle nails - yep
  18. change in odour - well people are keeping their distance - (I wonder if paranoia is on the list?)
  19. Irregular heartbeat - thump, thump thump
  20. Depression - thank God I am not going mad!
  21. Anxiety - a big YES
  22. Irritability - I said YES
  23. Panic disorder - help, yes
  24. Breast pain - rip them bras off in the evening
  25. Headaches - part shares in pharmaceutical company
  26. Joint pain - some days every single joint has a moan or two
  27. Burning tongue - other than burning my tongue on that scalding coffee - no
  28. Electric shocks - now you come to think of it - I believe so
  29. Digestive problems - heart burn counts - yes?
  30. Gum problems - no more than usual
  31. Muscle tension - as tempted as I am to blame meno - lack of exercise is the issue with this one
  32. Itchy skin - I look like a scaly snake
  33. Tingling extremities - thankfully no
The Sooky La La symptom is the one that is getting to me the most. Man, I am so hyper sensitive at the moment that even commercials are causing me to sob.

I have put my coffee in the fridge and carried th milk carton around with me.

The other day some students were playing a familiar tune on the piano - I recognised the tune and bragged that I could also play it - although my version was slightly different. Although I can not play the piano I agreed to give a performance cause I knew (in the recesses of my muffled brain) that I was (hold that thought) pretty impressive with this particular party pleaser. I went to the piano and, horror of all horrors, nothing. It was like I had never seen a piano before in my entire life. I got the first two notes out and then - blank! Of course I laughed it off and made a quick exit to the nearest toilet where I had a Sooky La La moment.

Anyhow, you know what they say - 'A problem shared is a problem....' Oh my goodness- what is the saying?