Warning: Read on with extreme caution - This is one disappointed blogger!!!!!!
Facebook. Such a useful page. Great way to catch up on the incidental, insignificant stuff happening in people's lives. I love Facebook - not!
So, I opened my page and noticed my niece had written a comment. It went something like this, "....... is hoping everything is alright with my granny."
What?
Hold on a minute! (as the penny dropped). YOUR granny would be MY Mum. What is going on with my mum?
So, I get on the phone trying to reach anyone.
Eventually my sister calls me back (ever so casually) to let me know that our mum was in hospital. Has been for 3 days now. She fell and split her head and was then admitted to the cardiac ward because her heart was apparently going wild. Apparently she will be there for a few more days yet.
Well, 'apparently' my sister felt it appropriate to ring my brother and tell him who 'apparently' informed my youngest brother who, 'apparently' is over at the moment for a holiday from Sweden - that's right - Sweden.
But 'apparently' mum is okay - if it was anything to be really worried about she would have told me - 'apparently!' And 'apparently' it is no biggy that my brother who I have not seen in over 10 years (because the last time he was over I didn't find out until he had gone back) is back over.
That's good, I replied. I am glad that mum is okay up there in the cardiac ward.
"Oohhh... Said with a bit of resentment', was my sister's response.
"Oh, just a tad", - said I (although I really think she completely missed the hurt sarcasm).
What is wrong with my family?
My mum is in hospital. My brother who lives in Sweden is over in Australia and I don't get any news of these events.
I am so over them all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They treat me like ----- well they treat me like I am invisible, unimportant.....whatever!
My sister goes on to tell me that mum has been asking for me but my sister thought it was reasonable to let mum know that she hadn't spoken to me since October.
Why October? Well, sis and I had a long talk in October and I thought we had come to a new understanding of the concept 'family'. She promised that she would make a big effort to keep in touch - you know how important family is? It was her promise so I have been patiently waiting for that 'new' relationship. I have spent my whole life trying to please this lot. I have bent over backwards trying to 'belong'. I have been hurt and abused and let down - big time - but I kept on going back for more.
I thought I had come to the stage of accepting my family for what it was - dysfunctional supreme.
But honestly! How can they give lip service all the time that we are 'family' and then not let me know mum is in hospital and my brother is over from Sweden? Am I dead?
It's just a bloody plane trip for me to go over there! I would move mountains to get there! But.... 'apparently' there's no need for me to know.
Grrrr!
And I so wanted to share a good news story.
Not tonight.
Tonight I am sucking up my misery and rehearsing the line ....'Frankly my dear.... I don't give a damn!"
Why don't they just cut my heart out while they are at it?
You know what? I am not going to edit this. I am not going to spell check it or worry about how anyone feels about it.
I am peeved to the max. I am disappointed. I am so disappointed in myself. I thought I had moved past caring that much about stuff I had no hope of changing.
I read about it on Facebook for goodness sake.
Clearly I still give a damn...... sigh!
Tomorrow I will suck up this disappointment and show a little more grace - promise.
P.S - had a great sleep last night. Far out - what a difference a sleep makes. I just made myself laugh - wild, but true (yesterday a snort, today a laugh). Can you imagine the tone of this post if I was sleep deprived? - Scary............
Honest to God - if you guys manage to ride with me through this current part of my journey then I promise you that the coffee crawl will happen and it will be my shout (may even include lunch).
cheers for now .
9 comments:
Giant hugs. I'm so sorry!
Yes, you should definitely be peeved, mad as hell, at that sister, brother that failed to inform you.
But then, we all live such busy lives, and being so far away is not easy. They just didn't think you could do anything, I guess. They didn't mean to exclude you, just protect you.
On the other hand, how dare they assume that it was o.k. not to tell you? The scoundrels!
Be mad. Very.
What's that old movie line, "Love means never having to say you are sorry". (delete, delete, words here)" Love means caring enough to call!
Do not empower their lack of caring enough to do that, by making excuses for their behavior. They neeed to be told how you feel. It is not your job to fix or carry a disfunctional family. It is hard enough that we have them.
Ditto Ditto and Ditto yet again. This is not right in any way shape or form. And Mary, it is not your fault. If you want to go, go and tell them you are very hurt they didn't call you, and leave it at that, and justtell your Mum you were not told about her fall and would have been there earlier if you had known. As Edith, our friend said....GIANT hugs.
LInds has the best advice again. If you feel you should go, hop on that plane and get over there. ((( HUGS )))
Re the housekeeper position - room and board, unlimited meals, great companionship and internet access is included :)) It probably would take you an hour or two a day and it would be spotless. I am so not a house cleaner.
Oh Mary I am so sorry and unfortunately I completely understand where you are coming from. I have the same problems with my dysfunctional (self absorbed) family. I tried for 20 odd years to meet their standards and obtain some kind of 'family ties' with these people but it was not to be. When mum got sick they were all too busy to help the black sheep and left me to it. I don't see them unless mum is in hospital and I call them to let them know. Family can be the most frustrating and heartbreaking relationships. What state is your mum in hospital? Don't let them stop you if you want to go.
Big hugs mate.
Keep us updated, will be praying for your mum and for you too.
dear Mary,
I am so sorry your family acts like this. I too would be mad and upset if this kind of thing happened to my mother and I wasn't told about it.
(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))) from me too.
Therese
See you Thursday night! The beef goulsh always goes down well in our house. How's your mum doing? Better yet how are you doing? I know how hard it is to be left out of the loop when it comes to family.
Your family sounds like my husbands, they never call he has to if he wants to know anything. I don't blame you for being mad, I am sorry, am sending you a big hug, hope it helps.
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