The 'Big' event

In 35 days time I will turn 50. So much emphasis is placed on certain 'milestone' birthdays - 50 years young being one such occasion. The problem for me is in the timing. It's come around at a rather inconvenient time. Thing is -I am not at my best. I do not look, feel or express my best at the moment. I do not want to be under all that pressure to be joyous and grateful and humble and insightful. I don't want to disappoint. I just want to put a rain check on the event. Thing is I don't want to regret this moment either (as in ignoring it completely). If I have to place some extra importance to turning 50 then I would have preferred to be in a more positive place than my current emotional/ mental and physical state. Truth is I'm flat out practicing gratitude and positive thinking while all the time wishing it was 2007 and I had another year to deal with the me of now.

What does turning 50 mean?