I made a post yesterday that was riddled with hurt and frustration and anger and bitterness and dare I say it 'poor me' attitudes. I removed the post not because I am wanting people to only see me in a positive way - but rather because I need to bring these things before God and allow His love and support to heal me. Depression is a strange force.
I do want the few readers I have to know that on the outside I appear just fine. I am strong, supportive, caring, amusing even. But right now (and for some time now) there has been a dark cloud over my spirit which tries to consume me.
I know I will rise above this and I know that God will be the one who raises me high above all this.
I miss the close relationship I once had with God. I am doing all I can (reading and praying) to restore my faith. I dare to reach out to His faithful people which is not easy for me as I do suffer from the crippling belief that I am only going to be rejected when they see me in my vulnerable state.
This post is not a pity party - it is (and I say it with all of my heart) and honest testimony to where I am.
I long for His presence to consume me so there is no room for my own inadequacies to make me stumble and fall out of His grace.
For those who read my post yesterday - please no that I am regretful for any offense I caused.
This is hard for me to do but I am asking you to pray me - for healing. My past hurts still fester within my heart and try to define me. Most of the time I am able to stay one step ahead of depression.
Depression - there I have said it.
We are all complex people.
3 comments:
You have no need to apologise or explain, Mary. Nor do you need to ask, by the way - of course. I am not belittling your illness when I say that I wish there was a way I could make you see that you are worthy, just as you are, and that God will never reject you - he sees you through the filter of Jesus and he sees only that you are perfect. Relax, and let Him love you, my friend.
I wish you could see yourself through the eyes of your friends. You would see someone totally different to the way you see yourself.
Praying for you, Mary. God knows where you are and what you need each day. Try to rest safe in His arms. Take care.
Thank you for coming on my autumn photo journey. I hope someday you can come visit and see it for yourself.
I didn't read the post, but I have been there. Depression can hit out of the blue for no apparent reason.
Just cling to the love of Christ, remember it is HIS righteousness that saves and covers you, and don't let the Devil bring ANYTHING from the past to confuse/depress you. He is a liar and has no truth in him.
May God show you His love today!
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