It's raining

I'm feeling a bit down this evening. Actually, I'm probably feeling a lot down. The weather isn't helping. Usually I love it when it rains. I love the idea of snuggling up under a Doona and watching a good movie or reading a good book or chatting with a friend. Not tonight though. Tonight the rain is adding to my sense of down- ness (is that an actual word?).

I'm in need of a whinge or whine or moan or groan or cry or something!

My feelings of depression are compounded by guilt. I am aware that there are so many people suffering terribly right now. My pain, my misery, my moodiness, my depression don't even come onto their radar. And yet?

I know that I believe in a God who promises to help carry these heavy loads. I know that I could be practicing gratitude right now instead of feeling so low. And yet?

Should I weep and bury myself in my negative thoughts? Should I curl up and sleep and hope that tomorrow brings with it a more positive mindset? Should I get on my knees and beg God to wave a magic wand and transform me into a something that I know I can be, should be, have been? Should I breathe in God's peace?

Should I? Can I? Will I?

Depression beckons one's spirit. Come! Come!

I stand on the edge of a decision.

I will not be a slave to my emotions. I will not be a slave to other's judgment. I will not be a slave to a SYSTEM that does not reward the faithful, hardworking and committed employees.

"Lord, I am feeling a little depressed tonight."

DRAW NEAR TO ME.

The rain is belting itself against the window.

.....now don't you fret now child don't you worry. Don't try to hurry the storm along - the hard times make you strong.

The Lord hears my cry and comforts me.


Tomorrow will be a better day.

______________________________

It is tomorrow and it is still raining but I am feeling much better in myself. I honestly don't know what it is going to take for me to get back to my normal strong, survival, bring it on, resilient, bounce back self. Maybe God needs me to be at a place where I get honest about my life. The good, the bad and the ugly. Who knows? I would normally delete this post by now as I am afraid of being misunderstood or judged. However, I am going to leave this post up. Call it therapy.

3 days to the big 50. I have worked out what I am giving myself as a gift. I will post my present to myself on Monday (the eve of the day that will mark the beginning of a fabulous, fantastic, forthright, friendly, forgiving fiftieth year).