Monday, March 24, 2008

Would the real me please stand up?

Continuing in the line of wondering and pondering and reflecting without over analyzing the thought that has crept into my head these last few days has been one of my identity.

I recognize that not only am I really worried a lot of the time if people like who I am (once you had moved passed the projected image) but for the most part I really don't know who I am.

In the movie "Runnaway Bride" Julie Roberts character, who has been engaged several times but can't commit to the married part, finds herself (unwittingly) being a chameleon. So unsure of who she really is she becomes the character that best supports her betrothed. This affliction is demonstrated in her egg eating habits. With her first fiance she likes boiled eggs: With her second fiance she likes scrambled etc etc. She is eventually called to declare who she really is, what her desires are. "How do you really like your eggs?" she is asked. It comes as no surprise that she has spent so long becoming what she believes others need her to be that she does not know how she likes her eggs.

I am not fond of eggs at all. I understand that eggs aren't the issue. Still, I find myself pondering on how well I really know me. How can I expect others to know me and love me if I do not trust my own judgments on who I am? How can I peel back the layers and adopt the essence of my truth being?

Which part of my projected image (at any given time, to any given audience or community) is who I am? Are they all part of who I am? Do I choose to project one part om myself over other aspects out of fear of being exposed as worthless?

Would the real me please stand up?

I am a daughter
I am a sister
I am a friend
I am a student
I am a singer
I am an immigrant
I am a Ward of the State
I am a nurse
I am a born again
I am a cadet
I am an Officer of the Salvation Army
I am a wife
I am a mother
I am a mature age student
I am a foster mum
I am a carer
I am a primary School teacher
I am a separated wife
I am the parent of teenagers
I am an unemployed

I have worked so hard to like the type of egg that each of these roles/titles liked.

I am a child of God

How do I make this my true identity?



Blessing 4. Sitting near the lake at dusk watching the sun do its thing as it turned in for the night.

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